I hear you have grown a beard. The kind intellectuals grow when they are producing some mind-boggling theories. Overheard a conversation between the gods of miracle and impossibility, Contemplating who wins in our battle, I the stupid optimist or you the fearful. Mountains can become […]
A year ago, we began a journey of renewal to find out if l was ready for the next epoch. l didn’t have the map or pre-knowledge of what this journey entailed. To be honest, l didn’t even know we were on a journey. All l could discern was a major shift was occurring and it demanded my attention. For a control freak like myself, l wasn’t in the driving seat. I had relinquished all control to an invisible but powerful hand. The only reason l tried to keep sane was because of a promise. I, the strategist, who had life plans and to-do-lists was jumping out on a promise from someone l didn’t see but had experienced several times. He wasn’t a man to lie. If He had said it, then l knew He will do it. And while the result might not be what l am expecting, in the end, l know it will work out for my good. I have a palpable apprehension of missing out on what He had in store for me always and this journey was no different
He only gave me a glimpse of the closing act and a song. I remember someone had once said “a song is a prayer said twice.”.That song became my anthem and always launched me to realms l didn’t fully comprehend. The song spoke of being led into choppy waters; l didn’t know how to swim. He promised to lead me. I held on tight. Other alternatives weren’t available or did l choose to ignore them? I will sing the song with every fiber of my being, expressing to Him my fear, my hope and my desire to please Him. All other things could wait.
The storm raged, He called me out into it. He is in the storm. You see, l had been to the wilderness and had mastered it. I had wilderness qualification; the storm was a different ball game, I didn’t swim. Before this journey I was walking and ticking all the right boxes. But He says He is looking for more. He wants to launch me deeper. He disrupts all things around me to get my attention fully focused on Him and l strive to keep up. All he asks is listen, trust the voice speaking and obey.
There are days l feel lost and wag my hands at Him, what are you doing?! Is this you or do l have to bring out my warrior prayers and begin binding and breaking? It is easier to fight than simply trust and obey. It is easier to fight an invisible hand than leave the reins to the one who knows the way totally. l go in search of the contention, there is dead silence. All He asks again in my cry of despair- worship, listen, trust and obey. How difficult is that right? What I didn’t understand was that His original plan for my life is beyond anything l could ever have dreamt of or ever envisioned for my self.
How did we get here, you ask? A seemingly innocent request had set this storm in motion- wanting Him alone to lead me, desiring heaven but yearning for a greater impact here on earth. I didn’t want my time here to be wasted. So here l am, in the storm, a test of my mettle – a re test of the test. A journey to double-check if l had the skills to take on this challenge He was bringing me into. For in the challenge and the pain there of are the answers. Was l ready to take on the heady stuff? Was l ready to confront my deepest fears? The things l brushed under the carpet and hid from all including Him? Was l ready to show Him my all, including the parts that screamed broken and incompetence so He could take it on and help me grow? The truth of the matter was that on the inside l wasn’t all l purported to be. This Christian needed Christ to give more of that precious blood and grace. This Christian needed Christ in His infiniteness to keep providing. Growth pains are evident in this provision and l want to run and deny Him.
The storm breaks me in parts and in the same breath ushers in new things. In my brokenness, l take a stand on the core matters of my life. I know the being that lives in me more and confront the hidden weightier matters. The breaking is painful and relevant. It births more that it lost. The storm’s benefits are coming to light. My death grip is loosening and l’m learning to dance in the storm.
The journey hasn’t ended, l don’t think it ever will. For now l know how to ride the waves better and can swim holding on as He leads. Even on dark days when the clouds refuse to dissipate and eventually swallow me, He is here. He will not leave me, His powerful arms encircle me and shield me until the dark clouds give way to a burst of sunshine. We will conquer the storm. The final act have l seen. My anthem is playing, l ask him to take me deeper, we will get there.